40 trips around the sun

One more time for the people in the back!…

In case you missed it…

I am the good, wholesome, round number 40 today, and I have been awaiting this day since I turned 39 last year. Praise God I made it! Seriously…..the way things are going…..praise God!

I am embracing the adjective ‘fabulous’ which mankind seems to place hand in hand with turning 40. I could stand to be a little more fabulous oui. Cue Meryl above….

I heard it goes up from here and please Lord let that be true because while my teens craved my twenties and my twenties were deliciously fun, discovering the reality of adulthood in my thirties was rough….and by rough, I mean lame. Adulting = lameness. The lie is absent.

Naturally, like most, I had goals to achieve this year before I turned 40, specifically 40 ‘never been experienced’ ideas/activities that I had carefully laid out. Then Ms. Rona pulled through and everybody get a meggie. I didn’t go back to that list having achieved the bare minimum and truthfully not feeling to go back to the tweaking board because of my pandemic shock. Rather than go over the list though, I will simply make mention here of a couple things that I learnt in my 30s (in random order).

  1. Adulting is lame. (This needed special, repeat mention). Why are we so excited about air fryers? I think that may be the reason I haven’t copped one yet, I feel like it will be the final straw.
  2. Your body will fail you. Where these new aches and pains come from is beyond me and then to discover other peers with aches and pains and then to commiserate over the similarity of said aches and pains….whew😒. Important to also mention is your body taking longer to whip itself back into shape as you may have been accustomed to previously. Truly sickening🙄.
  3. You will make your mental health a priority. It is amazing to consider the period of time I have spent analyzing my thoughts, processing my feelings, reasoning with friends and of course praying and seeking professional help just to make sure I get this adulting thing right in my head. Fun fact: it’s a work in progress.
  4. You will spend countless hours trying to lock down the future. You may spend time worrying about your future, your kids’ futures if you have them and if you don’t, wondering how to keep making your responses polite. You may wonder how long your parents have to live if you have them. You may wonder if your present job will carry you right to the 60 mark.
  5. Those kids will grow up on you. One minute they’re smelling like baby powder, next minute is bass voice, fighting for independent personality and teen angst.
  6. Alone time is critical. Social connections are necessary. Sleep is essential and balance is key, even if you are juggling to maintain the balance. Period.

That last one I’m rolling over into 2021 like the lotto at Christmas time.

I’m really hoping that 40 ushers in a period of advancement in more ways than one. Despite everything I am ever so GRATEFUL to be able to make mention of and to celebrate this day in one piece, hale and healthy. The gratitude extends to my family, friends and most of whom I’ve come across (the rest just have to go with God).

So help me toast my entry into the 40/40 club! I hope the music is good! Happy birthday to me!

📸 https://www.jasonaudain.com/
📸 https://www.jasonaudain.com/

It’s December! (…in 2020)

If the 1st January is the start of a new year, fresh beginnings, campy resolutions, intentional promises and shaky gym memberships, the 1st of December represents the last ditch effort to give all of these things a go. Just knowing that we have one more month to aim high and finish with a flourish, makes December smell better than the rest. Moreover, with Christmas and my birthday in the mix, December is not up for debate as the best month of the year. Fight me.

#CapricornNation

Now arguably, what we need to pay attention to is that 2020 has been a strange one what with a pandemic, lockdowns, swarms of locusts and even a dead body joyriding to his own funeral here in my land.* (Is Trinidad a real place? Jah boy, who knows yes🙄😒) . December may very well be a slow crawl with us crossing fingers and praying for an end to the crazy when the clock strikes midnight on the 31st. However, I maintain that even while you expect the worst, you can still hope for the best. This year we have lost so much in terms of people (RIP to Rona victims, Kobe, Trebek and Maradona) and things (my sanity while teaching & homeschooling), it may be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But you know something? The point of a tunnel is that you do eventually get out on the other side however long it may be.😉

This December I am really trying my best to scale down my Christmas prep as excited as I am for the season. It’s hard though, every suggestion I make to the hubby is either met with a raised eyebrow or a half smile which is his version of “you mad yes, smh” or “ok dear”. I already issued fair, advanced warning to the gremlinz to chop their Christmas lists in quarter (not half) as with Ms Rona still palancing, we need to save the coins as much as possible. Not to mention that IF school opens in January, money needs to be spent on covid protection, uniform, shoes, bookbags, lunchkits, preschool fees and allowances (not books, which they already have thank God). The idea of back-to-school spending in December with Christmas AND my 40th coming up is realllll trauma for me (and my bank card) and is low-key the second reason (the first is obvious) that I need school to remain closed….at least until February, I ain’t go lie. That January guava season will be reallll severe.

Still, we keep it positive right? I’m grateful that I can re-use my seasonal home items and although I will miss my Christmas shopping buddies and our outings, I can afford to make do with what I have. If there is anything I do need to get, I will be avoiding all the stores with the word “Home” in their names and patronizing as much local, small businesses as I can, particularly for gifting purposes. One good thing is that this movement picked up steam this year and I am so here for it! I honestly wish I could buy most of the quality products I’m observing but again…meh coins could only stretch so far😭.

So yes, it’s December! Let’s welcome it with hope and joy! Whether you are on #teamcaution or #teamYOLO still buss ah dance nah!!

#Carltondance

How are you preparing for this final stretch of 2020? What are you looking forward to the most this season? Let me know in the comments below!

Blessings

TMIDM

Back to School in this here 2020 – Part 2 (Keeping it all the way together)

The second week of remote learning for my gremlinz has just ended as has my first week of teaching using remote learning while managing my gremlinz at the same time. What have I learnt over this past gruelling week? As a member of the teacherati who is also a parent, the following:

  1. Bathe early. As soon as you get up, pray/meditate, brush your teeth and hop straight into the shower. Pray/meditate/brush your teeth in the shower even! Do not lull yourself into a false sense of security thinking you will have breakfast ready for yourself and others and then go take a bath and begin on time. Nope. When that first notification comes in, you’ve already lost. Operate like you are literally going to work or you will be in your nightie until 3 p.m.
  2. Do NOT plan your week. Plan your day. You can have a general idea of how the week is going to go, what your children have to do and that the tasks are all on the schedule but try not to exhaust yourself holding on to the minute by minute play that you have written in your calendar/planner/journal. For the past two weeks since remote learning started, I’ve been a boss on Monday and Tuesday and then a disappointing failure on Wednesday because my schedule went off the rails for one reason or another (one of those reasons was me staring into space after a double Google Meet wondering how the rassss I’m going to make it to December but I digress). Take each day as it comes and at the end of each day, map out what’s going to happen the next day. Leave room for disappointment and frustration. Be gentle with yourself in the evening.
  3. You know what you DO need to plan on a weekly basis though? Food. Have your meals sorted out for every single day, Monday to Friday. If your gremlinz are like mine, although they are ‘in school’ they are not operating with ‘school stomach’. Make sure you have stuff in the fridge or frozen and ready to pop out and heat up. This is a sanity-saver and it avoids your children having to lunch on digestive, cheese, Vienna sausage and ‘just add water’ mauby when you were really responsible for providing a balanced meal but was just too drained to bother (possibly a true story).
Image taken from The Washington Post

4. I’ve glad I’ve honed my multi-tasking skills. At one point during an online session I was in  a live class, messaging my form class on my student phone (because I realize that ‘Miss wha’ subject we have now?’ or ‘Miss, sir ain’t open the live yet, what to do?’ is really their way of staying connected with me), trying to update an online ‘WE NEED THIS NOW!’ attendance register on my personal phone, appeasing my son who was quarrelling because wifi went down on his device and trying to finish some cold ass coffee while making sure that my toddler handled ALL the play doh colours to keep him occupied (such a thing has never happened, one colour at a time yo). Maranatha became my safe word.

5. You will feel to mash up your device and never want to see a screen again. I don’t think I have ever gotten this much notifications in my life…….ever…….My thumb joints were literally hurting after the first day, it was the strangest feeling. I wanted to kick back at the end of the day but I did NOT want to watch tv or a movie or read my Kindle. That was most frustrating to me, so I did a spa night….on a Monday….

6. You will feel guilt and wonder if you are short-changing your own children. Sigh…….Gremlin 1 is pretty independent with Form 4 study but there were times he came to me with a query and I had no choice but to beg him for 10 minutes grace. Gremlin 2 is still on post-SEA break but wants work to do, so I made up a simple schedule for her except I have to give her the work which I forgot to do a couple of days. She whined. Gremlin 3 has a set preschool timetable as well which I have not been able to stick to and I begged the principal for two weeks escape from live circle time and reading until I get my groove. So I work with him off-schedule. That guilt hits like a ton of bricks when I’m reflecting in the evening. I swear I’ll do better next week.

7. Find your happy place. Very often when I needed a reset when there used to be a physical separation of work and home, I tended to drop in to bar or grocery, buy a beastly cold Stag or cake and sit in my car while I mentally changed my hat from teacher to parent. Now that there isn’t that physical separation or even a spot where I could sit and tour out, everything is overlapped, home is school, school is home, that’s life. The end. My bedroom (with some minor upgrades) is now my primary space to unfold the overlap so I’m not feeling a despairing need to escape my own home. Your happy place is wherever or whatever you determine it to be….and you need it…..

Last, but not least,

8. Find your happy people. You need someone to commiserate with, to rely on, to listen to you, to cuss with, to cry to, to stay in silence with, to drink with, to laugh with, to discuss you mental state with……It is a struggle and there were times when I felt I was going crazy (December Lord?!?!). I was checking in with a friend all the way in the Middle East and in the midst of the voicenotes back and forth I realized I was crying. Unbeknownst to me I needed that release. This journey isn’t to be trod on alone. Check in with your people and check in with yourself!

A lot to unpack yes but we are living in the strangest times ever. Normalcy as we knew it is gone and we are all trying to adapt in the best way that we can. Be patient with yourself and others!

Blessings!

TMIDM