Joy in Expectation (Blogmas#2)

As much as I say I am scaling down on Christmas because of the current global situation and all its pancreatic* glory, I find myself, not doing the most but considering myself having ‘band meh belly’ so hard throughout the year, that I think I deserve a little niceness. The thing is, all my niceness is not centred on clothes or shoes or makeup or anything personal for myself (except my Keurig coffee machine because dat is life!) but centred on the upkeep of my home. I think my brain figures that since we are likely to be home-bound for the foreseeable future, I might as well spend my coins and upgrade my home space to further my comfort. (My brain also needed a distraction via a new project because it’s not like if I don’t have enough on my plate). Home upgrades are tedious, a bit frustrating but overall very exciting (who doesn’t love a makeover?).

Bling bling

For as long as I know myself I have always enjoyed looking forward to something fun and ‘new’. Christmas will always remain my favourite holiday largely because of the advent of Christ and the spiritual and literal preparation for this: new paint smell, new linens, new decor, new sights, new feelings….the only old (classic) things I treasure at this time are the movies, music, memories. Ah love eet!

Now I appreciate that there are many who will not feel this way particularly those who are just not into Christmas and especially those who have suffered loss and therefore the whole season becomes one of only painful reminders. My advent prayers always include comfort for those who suffer at this time that they find the grace to rally through🙏🏾.

During this season of preparation and expectation be sure to take some time to find your joy that lies in the process, whatever it may be to you. There is some to be found somewhere in the mix man. Seek it out!

So where are you on the spectrum? Lemme know nah. Let’s meet in the comments!

Bless

TMIDM

*pandemic

Seven whole years

Do you know what today is? It’s my bloggerversaryyyy! (*Cue Babyface singing in the background, if we can’t book him cue marching band and confetti….and dancing.)

Woot woot!

Today April 13th 2021 makes it seven whole calendar years since I have been a blogger and since culturally, historically numerically, biblically and psychologically the number 7 signifies completeness, it is clearly something to celebrate.

In 2014 when I decided to take the leap and enter the world of online blogging, I did so with a huge dose of trepidation (ah did frighten bad!). I wanted to write a different kind of ‘mom blog’ than the usual template focused sharing tips, tricks or hacks to becoming a ‘better mom’. I wanted to provide a view that is uniquely Trinidadian and even more uniquely me. Would people ‘get’ my style of writing? Would I write content that people would be willing to engage with? Would I get enough of a following to engage with people in the first place or would I just be writing for writing sake? How much of myself would I be willing to share publicly? All of these questions I grappled with at the start but at the end of the day I just decided to start. MANY times (plentyyyyyy times!) I fell off the wagon simply because I didn’t care much for my voice and it seemed like it didn’t resonate. I didn’t really struggle for content as I had lots to express, just never the time (or the will) to sit and get it out and as such my posting used to be sporadic AF. Covid changed that for me.

Last year during the drollness of virtual teaching, I put a lot of focus on what will bring me joy as I navigated the effects of the pandemic on my sanity.  I decided I needed to get back to one of the things I love with the intention of writing more and writing consistently. I got a logo created, revamped my blog page for this purpose and strengthened my social media connections to share myself with a wider audience. With another dose of trepidation, I created an Instagram profile to help me get my content out there and honestly, to engage with more people to escape the feeling that I was writing into a void. I’m glad I swallowed and took that leap because it really took it up a notch for me in terms of feeling more comfortable and more confident in sharing myself and what I write.

So what have I learnt over these seven years of blogging? A lot, but these four stick out:

1. Write what you want to write and not what you think people would want you to write. Don’t lose your voice because it is what inspired you to write in the first place. It is the thing that sets you apart and makes you unique. I have had many moments of “should I say that?” and “I hope people get that” but no matter how much times I backspace, it always ends up being expressed as I want it.

2. Make blogging part of your routine. I used to think that blogging was something I did on the side like a hobby I got into when I was bored. While it may have started off like that, I now consider it as something that is a part of me, so I am this, that, the third and a blogger. Blogging is something that I do just like educating the nation’s teenaged humans or feeding the gremlinz three times a day (and ensuring that there are multiple snacks because apparently a thrice a day feeding is never enough).

3. Don’t force the inspiration to write. Yes, you will not feel like writing and yes that is ok but there are other ways that you may be inspired to show up. Instagram really helped with that ( and more recently Tik Tok which is another strange beast by itself that is fun to wrangle). Social media does help with consistency though as sometimes inspiration for a post will hit me in the bathroom based on some nugget of discussion had earlier.

4.  Don’t be too obsessed with the numbers. It is perfectly natural to check your stats and insights to see your engagement, as a matter of fact it is very important. The trouble lies when you monitor the bars every day, three times a day and the length of the bars drives your emotional state.  There is a saying that goes “watch food doh cook good” which essentially means to do like that Disney princess who unleashes herself in a frozen tundra…..

Sing it

I was there in the earlies, thank God I wised up and I have been enjoying blogging for what it is.

So Happy 7-year Anniversary to me! I’m so excited for the plans to make Trini Mom in the Middle into the juggernaut I want it to be so keep dem fingers crossed! I hope today sets off years and years of future blogging from my neck of the woods (and if you’re still not sure, I’m over here). Thanks to all of those who supported me, who advised me and who inspired me.

The inspiration

Thank you for being here, I really appreciate your presence, your shares and your comments when you can. If you haven’t as yet, firstly please feel freeeee to scroll down and click follow below this post and secondly check out my social media handles below, it’s freeeee and you get nothing short of seventy times seven more years of my supreme eloquence, greatness and of course, email notifications when ah post😁

Here I am on

Facebook: www.facebook.com/trinimomindmiddle

Instagram: instagram.com/trinimom_indmiddle

Tik Tok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeuJeoeH/

Cheers and Blessings!

TMIDM

The Process.

At the beginning of 2020 I had scribbled some thoughts to myself while reflecting on greatness and why it is a thing difficult for me to discover. While understanding fully well that comparison is the thief of joy, I looked back at my dreams and aspirations that I held when I was younger only to see my life veer into a path that beheld none of these dreams simply because they seemed not a part of my destiny. No matter how hard I fought, I faced wall after wall after wall (after wall, after blasted wall) trying to force my passion which led to depression and eventually a strongly-worded, tearful monologue to the Most High. Since that season, I have made myself content to live what I consider to be a very, normal, average life in comparison to my lofty dreams. It is a life which I love very much yet here’s what I had written:

I eventually got used to it, to the point where I sat and I counselled myself on why it was ok to run my average race.

“There is nothing wrong with being average, love yourself and embrace your wins even if others think that they are miniscule in the larger comparison of things.”

Loving myself for who I am has made me comfortable. Has it made me afraid of my potential though? For more than who I am? Because I have struggled to accept me for who I am rather than the ‘me’ who keeps wondering and comparing herself with who she could be….

What are you afraid of girl?

TMIDM

Ok so maybe some fallacies therein but it was a mini stream of consciousness so you get the gist. Basically I have conditioned myself to love myself as I am and to see greatness and appreciate where I’m at and not prove to dream and aspire to greater. Now, this isn’t something that it a new-found thought process. I have been accepting my averageness since I was a child. Though it may be comfortable state for me to stay safely on this side of the thin line, I’m also fully well aware that it is a defense mechanism to deal with emotional middle child trauma. I don’t need a couch and a one-hour session to identify that. But here is the funny thing: the gratitude that I feel for my average life which does contain many successes which centre mostly on my ‘superwoman’ domestic abilities, also leaves room for me to wonder if I am short-changing myself just because I’m happy and comfortable. Maybe it’s a manifestation of a need for more self-confidence. Maybe I’m afraid of a challenge. (I won’t even begin to express how this affects my parenting. That’s a dissertation for a next time.)

The day before I go back out to work in January is always a day for reflection. Today I stared at my new 2021 planner which prompted ‘Yearly Goals’ and my mind drew a blank. I mean I know what I want for my family and even for myself in terms of my own self-care, health and spiritual needs but actual SMART goals? I could come up with nothing and it largely has to do with the rocking ride of disappointment and unfulfilled goals that was 2020, as well as the aforementioned ideation. I’m flat out intimidated to identify what would launch me from this very comfy plateau I think I’m on.

Mood: Meh

OK, so they say admittance is the first step. Now I know I made a really big one by re-launching my blog and getting more of ‘me’ out there on the socials and hopefully that leads me into new awakenings. (Actually, I’m counting on it because I’m having more fun than I thought and I’m connecting with a host of awesome folks. A goal? Perhaps). New awakenings usually come from dark, uncomfortable situations, like a seed in the ground and my trainer used to keep ringing out my ears to ‘Trust the Process’ while getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. That’s only when the growth happens.

So for 2021 I’m about to get really uncomfortable as I believe it is time for ME to grow some more. I would be lying if I said was ready but I hope can you accompany me on my journey to self-discovery this year and living life a little less average.

Blessings

TMIDM