40 trips around the sun

One more time for the people in the back!…

In case you missed it…

I am the good, wholesome, round number 40 today, and I have been awaiting this day since I turned 39 last year. Praise God I made it! Seriously…..the way things are going…..praise God!

I am embracing the adjective ‘fabulous’ which mankind seems to place hand in hand with turning 40. I could stand to be a little more fabulous oui. Cue Meryl above….

I heard it goes up from here and please Lord let that be true because while my teens craved my twenties and my twenties were deliciously fun, discovering the reality of adulthood in my thirties was rough….and by rough, I mean lame. Adulting = lameness. The lie is absent.

Naturally, like most, I had goals to achieve this year before I turned 40, specifically 40 ‘never been experienced’ ideas/activities that I had carefully laid out. Then Ms. Rona pulled through and everybody get a meggie. I didn’t go back to that list having achieved the bare minimum and truthfully not feeling to go back to the tweaking board because of my pandemic shock. Rather than go over the list though, I will simply make mention here of a couple things that I learnt in my 30s (in random order).

  1. Adulting is lame. (This needed special, repeat mention). Why are we so excited about air fryers? I think that may be the reason I haven’t copped one yet, I feel like it will be the final straw.
  2. Your body will fail you. Where these new aches and pains come from is beyond me and then to discover other peers with aches and pains and then to commiserate over the similarity of said aches and pains….whew😒. Important to also mention is your body taking longer to whip itself back into shape as you may have been accustomed to previously. Truly sickening🙄.
  3. You will make your mental health a priority. It is amazing to consider the period of time I have spent analyzing my thoughts, processing my feelings, reasoning with friends and of course praying and seeking professional help just to make sure I get this adulting thing right in my head. Fun fact: it’s a work in progress.
  4. You will spend countless hours trying to lock down the future. You may spend time worrying about your future, your kids’ futures if you have them and if you don’t, wondering how to keep making your responses polite. You may wonder how long your parents have to live if you have them. You may wonder if your present job will carry you right to the 60 mark.
  5. Those kids will grow up on you. One minute they’re smelling like baby powder, next minute is bass voice, fighting for independent personality and teen angst.
  6. Alone time is critical. Social connections are necessary. Sleep is essential and balance is key, even if you are juggling to maintain the balance. Period.

That last one I’m rolling over into 2021 like the lotto at Christmas time.

I’m really hoping that 40 ushers in a period of advancement in more ways than one. Despite everything I am ever so GRATEFUL to be able to make mention of and to celebrate this day in one piece, hale and healthy. The gratitude extends to my family, friends and most of whom I’ve come across (the rest just have to go with God).

So help me toast my entry into the 40/40 club! I hope the music is good! Happy birthday to me!

📸 https://www.jasonaudain.com/
📸 https://www.jasonaudain.com/
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Could I just shower in peace?

When gremlinz 1 and 2 were younger and gremlin 3 didn’t exist as yet, they made it a glorious habit to bother me as soon as I walked in the bathroom and close the door. Every mother has gone through this at least 47 ¾ times and it is one of the most IRRITATING things about being a mother (and without apology I say MOTHER because when father is dawdling the bathroom, Jah know dem children not bothering him!). So while I was either enthroned or in the shower and pressed with the “Mummyyyyy?!”, I used to shout right back: “Aye, yuh dead? Yuh broken? Yuh bleeding? Anything on fire? If no, wait until I done fuh meh please!!!”. Naturally they eventually took this as a joke and turned it into a game just to hear me say those four lines and run off laughing.

#struggle

Damn miserable…..

Gremlin3 eventually entered the chat and as is the norm, he does things in his own way. So he would literally yell MUMMYYY!! WHERE ARE YOU?? right…outside…the bathroom door while I’m inside like…

Bruh..

And then he would run off.

Here’s the plot twist though. The interruptions are getting less and less now, thank God, but I am yet to find a moment’s peace in the shower. The outward interruptions are now replaced with inward discourse and I’m really starting to wonder and cautiously accept that clearly, I do my deepest thinking in the bathroom, specifically in the shower (however, I don’t hold lengthy devotions on the throne, not my style). My brain seems to operate on another level. For instance, I can go from wondering if my breakfast should be more sweet or savoury to ranking Will Smith movies to thinking about one random student I taught years ago to pondering on whether I would make a decent nun (answer: no).

I try to be mindful in the moment during my baths especially during a super-sized self-care session of wash day and removing body hair and dead skin cells, but my brain won’t let me be zen. Some people can be present and enjoy the experience of a long, luxurious bath. Me? I imagine the synapses firing away while I’m internally debating how wet is too wet for a pelau or revisiting/reimagining difficult conversations with certain people. The latter is the worst. That train of thought could send me into a spiral so much so that when I’m towelling off, I tend to wonder if I need to go and talk to a professional.

big wheels keep on turning…

Now it’s not all negative though eh. Sometimes during those times when I’m alone I get blog ideas, meal ideas, random jokes, new goals or songs from Hamilton stuck in my head (fun fact: much like the album the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, the Hamilton soundtrack will stay in your brain for ever…and ever….and ever and ever and everrrrrrrrr……if you know, you know). They say inspiration will hit you where you least expect it. For me, my mind powers up in a steady stream of consciousness at that particular time when I am alone, so I don’t know how unexpected that is anymore. Technically, I’m not really alone either and may never be. That being said, I still get the occasional MUMMYYYYY!!! to snap me back to reality when I all I really want to do is take a shower in peace. Is this weird, strange or even spiritual? I’m curious to know. Where or when do you easily do your deepest thinking? Let me know in the comments below or head to my Instagram page and click follow for more content: https://www.instagram.com/trinimom_indmiddle/

Blessings!

TMIDM

Fighting Fear and Finding Faith

So finally! Ta-daaaa!!!

I embarked on the revamp of my identity/blog/socials that I have been putting off for about six months (yes, ah stick for 6 whole calendar months) and it’s finally here!

Welcome to the new look Trini Mom in the Middle, complete with a banging logo, a cleaner look and something I’m really excited about, my new Instagram page!!!👏🏾👏🏾💫💃🏾🥳 Ermagerrdddd, ah could cry!!!😭

Now it really take me long eh.

I go through a roller coaster sometimes when it comes to my blog from wanting to scrap it to wanting to keep going no matter who reads it even if my readership is low. Sometimes I feel like I have a mental block and I lack consistency, other times I have all these thoughts and ideas swirling in my head so I microblog on Facebook and sometimes even there is pressure too. I knew these emotions all boiled down to the F word:

FEARRRR (dun dun dunnnnnn)

As much as I know myself, listen to my tribe and read and infuse myself with the best of affirmations, when insecurities and fear encroach, I look for the wiggle room immediately. This is why it seemed like the easy way out was just to park up, pelt the keys and run. However, you know that still, small voice? It grew louder. I increasingly felt that I needed to develop this aspect of me. So I paused, looked at other blogs, observed other spaces, asked questions and I got some really good advice and guidance. Eventually, I found the faith in me to do what I felt I needed to do for so long.

So now, my new (-ish) blog here and accompanying ramped up social media presence, is me closing my eyes and taking the leap, or at the very least, easing in, waiting for warmth and bravely easing in again.

I’m going to unfurl some great new content that’s going to tie my platforms together and I really hope you guys enjoy it all and engage with me. I’m counting on your community, comments and feedback because I really feel as though this new detour is going to lead somewhere awesome!

So, in case you missed the icons up in my header, like and follow me on Facebook and Instagram….yeah do it now…..I have nothing else to say here except ah real glad allyuh in muh space yunno!!!!! It go be vibes!!(*Kes voice).

Blessings!

TMIDM

(arright go back up and like and follow eh, doh stick😁!)