Bring de cake!

Happy New Year! Feliz Año Nuevo! Bonne Année! Xīnnián hǎo!

(Google helped me with my Mandarin…)

I feel like I can still send you good tidings even if we are still in the 9th month of January and while it may feel old (especially fuh we who crawling to payday), the year is still basically new. Hell, some people are still writing 2021 for the date, ah could bet meh last struggling Christmas snacks on dat.

I have long given up on the idea of New Year’s Resolutions and if there is anything the last two years of ‘WTF’ have taught us, it is to just be resolute in living every day. So for this new year, much like 2021 (especially when we thought the ‘rona would disappear at midnight and we would return to normalcy), I am keeping my aspirations very measured and I am trying to live my best life one day at a time. As a matter of fact, I have taken up the hashtag #bringthecake stolen without remorse from a recent release from Mary J. Blige who is my aunty/godmother even if she doesn’t know it yet. #bringthecake is a reminder to me to live everyday like it’s your birthday (much like the song which I have on endless repeat). Life is short and rather than live in anticipation of the next big thing, I choose to regard the small victories, day by day.

Now this may not be your recipe, some people are still throwing their line, aiming far to reel in the big goals while others are experiencing ‘failure to launch’, not sure of the what or the how or the why, still shell-shocked from 2021. I regard both positions and to me, they are both acceptable as I am a very strong advocate for ‘do what works for you’.

My 2022 hashtag goes well with my 2022 quote which is again stolen without remorse from Carl Jung, a Swiss theorist I studied many blood moons ago but whose words will be relevant for me this year:

Jung Inspirational Quotes Vision. QuotesGram
A whole Tedtalk in a couple ah lines

I don’t know if it is a thing with being in your forties (and those in the later forties feel free to let me know in the comments please) but suddenly I feel very purposeful with being self-aware and what genuinely connects me to me, as though it is now THE THING that matters. I feel like it is not a new journey but a new type of discovery I am yet to undergo. One thing for sure is that I have made it a definite priority to remain focused on celebrating the person who is going to grow from it all. Sounding good?

Aye, do me a favour and remind me of this whenever I say that my work/gremlinz/husband/plants/students/Trinidad society in general are driving me blasted insane. Feel free to send some damn cake! Ah will appreciate dat.



P.S. I also have a word for 2022, check it out here and of course lemme know what you picked for your word, quote, mantra or hashtag for 2022 in the comments below!


A Christmas Triggered (Blogmas #9)

I have been very positive in my expressions for Christmas holidays but even with my happy thoughts, words and vibes, at the back of my mind I still hold all the people triggered by Christmas for various reasons, who see it as a hurdle that they need to get over. The fact remains that for some the Christmas season is one that they need to come and go expeditiously.

Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels

We know that it is a time for family but the reality is that some are quite alone with no-one to celebrate with and no-one to consider celebrating it with. This time of the year creates a heightened anxiety and wreaks havoc on the emotions as some go through the entire spectrum. There are also others who live with family members but who are also quite alone gearing up to put down a pretense worthy of Oscar nomination. Christmas is nothing joyous or festive in these cases and most are just trying to hold it together.

There are those among us that see this time as one of waste, a time to spend money that isn’t available and a ‘celebration’ of over work just for one day. The meaning of Christmas is lost behind the heavy commercialization so this viewpoint is fair (with maybe Valentine’s Day running a very close second). For many it is a great financial challenge that clouds any reason to celebrate as one would like so Christmas becomes more stress than anything else. This rings true especially for those who would have lost their jobs during the paralytic* and even more so for those with little mouths to feed.

I spare thoughts also for those who would have lost loved ones during this time. The Christmas season is triggering and painful when you lose someone close to you especially in mysterious cases, health matters or violent circumstance. The holiday becomes a yearly reminder of that pain with accompanying memories to rehash year after year. As we continue to deal with the ‘rona, some of us have loved ones who heralded 2021 but didn’t make it to Christmas 2021 and even more heartbreaking is that by the time that this post is published, even more will fall victim to the virus indeed even on Christmas Day itself. These covidious times are merciless with no apologies and no consideration of holidays.

The joyful Christmas feeling is close to or completely non-existent and in some cases may never be again and we must be kind in our approach to those going through it and try not to force ‘the bright side’ of festivity down their throats. Do you agree or no? Let me know in the comments.




Co-parenting at Christmas (Blogmas #6)

Mawnin mawnin!

I came across this viral article over the past couple of days and decided to include my views in my blogmas series because this is an important part of Christmas for some. It may be a tad longer than the usual fare but I hope you read all the way through.

Now a grandmother in the UK bought her grandchildren matching Christmas pajamas which seems innocuous enough except that she bought the PJs for all of them except for her son’s stepchild. So the lineup looked like this:

What the entire fack is dis?

You can read the entire article and understandable outraged commentary here.

Now… like me so…..NONE of those six children who came from my belly was seeing or wearing dem PJs which was supposedly given in good faith. NOOOONE! There is more meaning behind matching pajamas than simply what they are and this is why everybody makes a big deal about them specifically at Christmas time. There is a sentimental symbolism involved that granny was either fully aware of and didn’t give two shits or was completely daft about. Either way she is a complete dummy. Her daughter-in-law had one child before she met her husband and fiiiiiiiive children thereafter. That grandmother had more than enough time to get over herself if she was so pressed but I fully understand that everyone’s family dynamic is different and I’ll stop there.

This whole situation got me thinking about co-parenting during the holidays and especially at Christmas time and I am expressing my thoughts, some of which come from a position of personal experience.

  1. It can be uncomfortable – It can shift you off your balance as you may spend some time thinking about your child and that you couldn’t provide a traditional two parent home for them and not one where they have to be shuffling back and forth. This may create some guilt in you that discomforting.
  2. It can be stressful – You and your co-parent may not agree on the exact days that the child can stay with one or the other especially Christmas Day which is the most important. This may cause some division every year if this is not agreed upon beforehand.
  3. It can be lonely – If there is only one child and either party is single, it would mean a Christmas alone or with family without the child and the mere fact is that even if you are with family during the holiday you will feel some measure of loneliness if your child is not physically with you.
  4. It can be irritating – You may be found in a position where your family adds to your discomfort in an annoying or even enraging manner where they may ask snide questions, make sarcastic comments or even rude jokes at your expense.
  5. It can be an unavoidable lost opportunity – The child may have step- or half-siblings and it may be a case where they may lose out on certain family traditions or bonding experiences because they are not present thus missing out on a chance to create memories.

The thing about co-parenting is that much like the grammatical structure of the term, the root of it lies squarely with the parent. The MATURITY of both parties come heavily in to focus and all decisions made must have the child as the top priority. This can go from where and when the child stays with either party to the type of Christmas presents the child will receive (sometimes some parents tend to want to out do each other in an unhealthy manner for the sake of ego). In order for it to work I want to emphasize MATURITY again between the TWO parties as well independent, RATIONAL thought processes.

Now if this falls square in your garden, be mindful that for some this is a level of operation that can take YEARSSSS to develop so be kind to yourselves in the process. Remember that the child/children is/are a wholesome reflection of the two of you which the both of you are primarily responsible for but which neither of you own as property.

…and don’t be scared to tell grandmothers to fuck off…….respectfully.

Comments are welcome.