Category The Gremlinz

Parenting an “Introvert”

trinimomindmiddle 2 Comments

(who had to vet this blog post before I published it hence being very true to her nature, because ah couldnt write any and everything for fear of judgement)

Last month my second gremlin came to me and told me that she was thinking of joining the March Past team for her school sports day. Naturally me being the cool mom that I am, told her that it was a great idea and if she felt she wanted to do it to go through. She had questions about it and I recounted as much as I could from my days when I was vice-captain of my house in school where sports day is SERIOUS BUSINESS and the related atmosphere paralyzed my alma mater for months. She appreciated it and felt more comfortable (ah think) however as soon as she was out of earshot I immediately called her father because ah was in d middle of convulsing under my #coolmom demeanour.

Lawd have merherseee

Her query, quite frankly, hit me for six because I would have NEVER pegged that child to actively participate in such an activity. Like her father I was confused yet extremely excited because chief among our concerns for her as a teen who started secondary school online Anno Covidi, was her ability to genuinely connect with other students at her school when they finally met in person. Now she interacts well with classmates when she wants to (if she has to) but she is not part of a clique or a crew and has found some measure of comfort in riding solo until she gets back home to link up with her primary school friends in the Roblox realm. (Plus she give me stories about classmates eh and some ah dem I really doh want her to mingle wid anyhow. Dey bad behaved and speedinggg).

I have never been a popular girl in school and certainly didn’t have the world of friends although I was just cool with everyone. I am part of the secondary school ecosystem though so I know there are things I didn’t want her to go through especially as the pandemic made it a million times harder. She stays in her lane though and it has been a learning process for me as her mother even while she navigates her own territory. I have had to teach myself to be gentler with her while she understands herself, to praise her uniqueness and to encourage all the ways she expresses herself. (Sis could stand to be a lil less sarcastic and deadpan though eh, is like both Daria and Wednesday living under my roof with Aubrey Plaza on speed dial).

Wrapped up in all this is the need to respect her privacy as well and take the stories as she gives them in doses. I don’t needle her with questions if I don’t need to because I know eventually she tells me what is on her mind even if it is at a time where I dog-tired and my bed calling (why these teens wanna have these random, profound, revelatory chats at late hours when mankind ready to go in dey bed is beyond me) but I do it nonetheless.

All this to say if you parent a child who under all the modern consciousness is labelled an introvert, know who your child is and don’t wish them to be anything you consider “easier” for you (or your ego). My gremlin challenges me to be a better mother as I parent her differently from her elder brother. One thing though is that even while you can predict their likes and reactions, there is always that one ball from out of left field that always keeps the thing interesting (not to mention her marching left-right-left while complaining about the hot sun, tirelessly learning dance formations and executing the routine so superbly that it went viral on social media in Trinidad and Tobago, made me so damn proud of her in a cool dance mom kinda way, vicious pride included).

Blessings!

TMIDM

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The Thing About Teenagers…

trinimomindmiddle 4 Comments

Is this thing on?

Back from an absence and to be honest I was stalling quite a bit to write and to post because I’m feeling very compelled to give my blog a whole refresh again especially in time for my bloggerversary in April. However, like a prisoner with a lucky break, time just seems to escape me.

Anywhooo…

I’ve been steadily trying to adjust properly into my new role as Trini mom of two teens (and by steadily, I mean from about October of 2021). Everything is in full swing now though and while sometimes I run like clockwork, there are many days when I feel like…Jesus just take the wheel, the car, the tune-up, the monthly installments AND the insurance because EYE not able with this!!!

Tew….much…

I feel like NO-ONE adequately informed me about mothering teenagers and I have questions. The sad part is that in my decade (plus) career as an Educator (including a lengthy spell as a Dean of Discipline), you would think that I would have learnt a thing or two about dealing with them. I did, but here’s the thing though, I can’t send mine home to their parents or suspend them from school for seven days to get them out my sight. They actually live in my house so alas, there is no separation of church and state. This is outright corruption and it stink.

Knowledge is power though and I am definitely learning every damn day. If you thought the lack of sleep/milk factory newborn stage is rough or the draining/demanding toddler stage is exhausting, guess what? It just morphs into a new set of challenges at the adolescent stage where you (more often than not) question your sanity, walk on eggshells, get irritated quickly, manage your expectations and worry….and oh you will worry…. a lot….more than you need to, but as much as you want to. Once you have children “it” never ends.

Here are a couple things I’ve learnt on this journey so far:

  • Teens want space. All of a sudden, I live a house with a corridor flanked by closed doors (NOT locked in my damn house). I knock for proof of life but most times I don’t need to as I usually hear giggling or bantering as they are ‘online’ with their friends. They don’t know how lucky they have it nah.
  • Said space will be acceptable to their standards which means it will be messy as hell if you don’t reign it in. I usually tell my gremlinz to at least neaten it up, nobody is saying to put down a Christmas cleaning, but try not to have stuff strewn all over when there are clear receptacles available.
  • Said space will also be the prison for your missing cutlery and crockery. When I see the stacks of dishes emerge from their dungeons in the evening, I shake my head and wonder how personally invested I would have to be in order to NOT make this a “thing” as de young people like to say. (Answer: Not that invested, and it depends on what the stack looks like.)
  • There is a slight obsession with hair. The elder gremlin asked me to grow his out while he would need curl activator and a hair sponge. (Naturally I enabled this as casual observation from the after-school population shows that teen boys find and express themselves through hairstyles). The younger gremlin all of a sudden wants to “see” what her hair would look like straight, it’s too thick for her to handle and apparently, I don’t do a well-enough job to make her look fly. Then she changes her mind because she gets fed up easily. She wouldn’t drive me mad.
  • Bad moods are de rigueur. Sometimes they scowl, fret and argue for no reason. One minute they will make their own breakfast, next minute they’re mad because I didn’t make anything for them. No amount of “this-is-the-day-that-the-Lord-hath-made-we-will-rejoice-and-be-glad-in-it” will help. My house gets very angsty and most times I just leave them alone yes because I doh want no bad vibes and they wouldn’t drive me mad.
  • You compete with headphones and earphones for their attention so they don’t “hear” you. Thankfully I have 5-year-old #gremlin3 who dutifully serves as town crier when necessary so I am safe. He handles the sentence “MUMMY CALLIN YUH!!!” with such ease.
  • Teens are masterful in identifying the random moments when they feel like talking. It is at this point you laser your focus to make sure that it appears as though you are doing nothing or doing some nonchalant activity. At this very random time they just appear, start with one word and then the rest follows like word vomit. For this sharing of thoughts I am always grateful but of course expect them to disappear shortly after they have unloaded on you.
  • Teens still need physical touch. They might roll their eyes, hit you the “oh gosh man!” or the “don’t be weird”, but they melt like butter once they get hugs etc. and then for a brief moment you see the inner child flicker in their eyes.

I’ve learnt so much more, but these are my main lessons. I still feel like as much as they brilliantly package the “what to expect” for pregnancy, babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers, all the feverish teachings die out at the later stages of a child’s life so it’s more of a ‘do what works for you but don’t raise no more shitty kids, the world has enough’ scenario. Therefore sometimes I am left with going back to my own teens trying to remember what I liked and didn’t like to influence my present parenting strategy. But then again….these children different….

Am I alone in thinking that way? If you have teenagers, do you feel the same? If you have littles, are you even thinking about coping with the teen years? Let me know in the comments below and be sure to follow me on:

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Bless!

TMIDM

Could I just shower in peace?

trinimomindmiddle 3 Comments

When gremlinz 1 and 2 were younger and gremlin 3 didn’t exist as yet, they made it a glorious habit to bother me as soon as I walked in the bathroom and close the door. Every mother has gone through this at least 47 ¾ times and it is one of the most IRRITATING things about being a mother (and without apology I say MOTHER because when father is dawdling the bathroom, Jah know dem children not bothering him!). So while I was either enthroned or in the shower and pressed with the “Mummyyyyy?!”, I used to shout right back: “Aye, yuh dead? Yuh broken? Yuh bleeding? Anything on fire? If no, wait until I done fuh meh please!!!”. Naturally they eventually took this as a joke and turned it into a game just to hear me say those four lines and run off laughing.

#struggle

Damn miserable…..

Gremlin3 eventually entered the chat and as is the norm, he does things in his own way. So he would literally yell MUMMYYY!! WHERE ARE YOU?? right…outside…the bathroom door while I’m inside like…

Bruh..

And then he would run off.

Here’s the plot twist though. The interruptions are getting less and less now, thank God, but I am yet to find a moment’s peace in the shower. The outward interruptions are now replaced with inward discourse and I’m really starting to wonder and cautiously accept that clearly, I do my deepest thinking in the bathroom, specifically in the shower (however, I don’t hold lengthy devotions on the throne, not my style). My brain seems to operate on another level. For instance, I can go from wondering if my breakfast should be more sweet or savoury to ranking Will Smith movies to thinking about one random student I taught years ago to pondering on whether I would make a decent nun (answer: no).

I try to be mindful in the moment during my baths especially during a super-sized self-care session of wash day and removing body hair and dead skin cells, but my brain won’t let me be zen. Some people can be present and enjoy the experience of a long, luxurious bath. Me? I imagine the synapses firing away while I’m internally debating how wet is too wet for a pelau or revisiting/reimagining difficult conversations with certain people. The latter is the worst. That train of thought could send me into a spiral so much so that when I’m towelling off, I tend to wonder if I need to go and talk to a professional.

big wheels keep on turning…

Now it’s not all negative though eh. Sometimes during those times when I’m alone I get blog ideas, meal ideas, random jokes, new goals or songs from Hamilton stuck in my head (fun fact: much like the album the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, the Hamilton soundtrack will stay in your brain for ever…and ever….and ever and ever and everrrrrrrrr……if you know, you know). They say inspiration will hit you where you least expect it. For me, my mind powers up in a steady stream of consciousness at that particular time when I am alone, so I don’t know how unexpected that is anymore. Technically, I’m not really alone either and may never be. That being said, I still get the occasional MUMMYYYYY!!! to snap me back to reality when I all I really want to do is take a shower in peace. Is this weird, strange or even spiritual? I’m curious to know. Where or when do you easily do your deepest thinking? Let me know in the comments below or head to my Instagram page and click follow for more content: https://www.instagram.com/trinimom_indmiddle/

Blessings!

TMIDM