…that many have referenced is actually happening to me now these days and I’m in the middle of trying to navigate it like the cool mom that I am…

My first gremlin is turning eighteen later this year and I feel like if that countdown is also ticking for me. I feel this sudden sense of urgency to make sure that I have done all I have needed to do to ensure that he is ready for this next stage in his life as he is narrowing down his chosen career path and confirming his own principles and beliefs of the world and the different systems that makes it run. These questions and more keep me up at night (irrationally):

• Does he understand Trinbagonian bureaucracy?
• If he decides to live abroad will he brush his teeth every night before he starts gaming?
• Is he self-aware while using an ATM?
• When will he learn how to cook an adequate curry?
• Does he know that him being an empath would require special discernment especially with the girls?
• Did he perfect his corned beef recipe?

Again, irrational but again, I feel like I’m in a race against time.

This past week he began going to the gym with his friends and knowing that I wouldn’t have much of an issue with it, required nothing more than a signature from me. He handled everything else, even the monthly fee. That episode hit me in the gut for some strange reason because what you mean you doh need nothing else from me? So what I really here for??? So I cyah help then? Ize dog liver?!?!?

Say it with me….irrational.

Don’t worry. I didn’t literally say these things eh. They’re still swimming in my brain though as I try to cope, cool mom here.

Anywhoooo so this new stage in my mothering career has left me very introspective as I look back at the little boy whose goal was (and still is) to make me smile no matter what the circumstance is. I’m growing to recognize that the same little boy whose life was just being obsessed with toy cars and making me watch the movie Cars until it was burnt into my retina and fused to my brain, is turning that obsession into a real life path and it’s just for me to keep engaging with what he places importance on even if it means listening to new banter about cars inclusive of vocabulary that makes my eyes glaze over.

I won’t lie though, I will cherish this little boy and the fact that it was he who largely made me who I am today:

and I look forward with nervous anticipation to cherish the man that this boy is becoming:

as well as my new journey of self-discovery in being his mother.

Blessings

TMIDM

P.S. I wrote in further detail about my general launch into mothering teenagers here: Teenagerland! it is still a strange place to be.

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