Co-parenting at Christmas (Blogmas #6)

Mawnin mawnin!

I came across this viral article over the past couple of days and decided to include my views in my blogmas series because this is an important part of Christmas for some. It may be a tad longer than the usual fare but I hope you read all the way through.

Now a grandmother in the UK bought her grandchildren matching Christmas pajamas which seems innocuous enough except that she bought the PJs for all of them except for her son’s stepchild. So the lineup looked like this:

What the entire fack is dis?

You can read the entire article and understandable outraged commentary here.

Now… like me so…..NONE of those six children who came from my belly was seeing or wearing dem PJs which was supposedly given in good faith. NOOOONE! There is more meaning behind matching pajamas than simply what they are and this is why everybody makes a big deal about them specifically at Christmas time. There is a sentimental symbolism involved that granny was either fully aware of and didn’t give two shits or was completely daft about. Either way she is a complete dummy. Her daughter-in-law had one child before she met her husband and fiiiiiiiive children thereafter. That grandmother had more than enough time to get over herself if she was so pressed but I fully understand that everyone’s family dynamic is different and I’ll stop there.

This whole situation got me thinking about co-parenting during the holidays and especially at Christmas time and I am expressing my thoughts, some of which come from a position of personal experience.

  1. It can be uncomfortable – It can shift you off your balance as you may spend some time thinking about your child and that you couldn’t provide a traditional two parent home for them and not one where they have to be shuffling back and forth. This may create some guilt in you that discomforting.
  2. It can be stressful – You and your co-parent may not agree on the exact days that the child can stay with one or the other especially Christmas Day which is the most important. This may cause some division every year if this is not agreed upon beforehand.
  3. It can be lonely – If there is only one child and either party is single, it would mean a Christmas alone or with family without the child and the mere fact is that even if you are with family during the holiday you will feel some measure of loneliness if your child is not physically with you.
  4. It can be irritating – You may be found in a position where your family adds to your discomfort in an annoying or even enraging manner where they may ask snide questions, make sarcastic comments or even rude jokes at your expense.
  5. It can be an unavoidable lost opportunity – The child may have step- or half-siblings and it may be a case where they may lose out on certain family traditions or bonding experiences because they are not present thus missing out on a chance to create memories.

The thing about co-parenting is that much like the grammatical structure of the term, the root of it lies squarely with the parent. The MATURITY of both parties come heavily in to focus and all decisions made must have the child as the top priority. This can go from where and when the child stays with either party to the type of Christmas presents the child will receive (sometimes some parents tend to want to out do each other in an unhealthy manner for the sake of ego). In order for it to work I want to emphasize MATURITY again between the TWO parties as well independent, RATIONAL thought processes.

Now if this falls square in your garden, be mindful that for some this is a level of operation that can take YEARSSSS to develop so be kind to yourselves in the process. Remember that the child/children is/are a wholesome reflection of the two of you which the both of you are primarily responsible for but which neither of you own as property.

…and don’t be scared to tell grandmothers to fuck off…….respectfully.

Comments are welcome.




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