July into August is the time of the year where I focus the most on my relationship with the hubs and more specifically, our marriage. It is the time where we feel the closest, pray, reflect and re-visit memories while making plans for ourselves for the immediate and distant future. As Catholic Christians we observe July 26th as a special feast day for married couples and from that date straight to August 1st (our wedding anniversary) and onwards, it is all about us. It’s basically our “new year” reset.
Hubs and I have been together for fifteen years, married for eleven and it seems like an eternity especially when you pass that ten-year milestone. Ten years is a big deal! Like if God forbid anything happens, you could say with some measure of ease that you were married for ten years and you may be less likely to be judged or pitied. Anything less is considered still “newlyweds”. Right or wrong?
Marriage is basically a long rollercoaster ride that carries you in every directional pattern possible: up, down, left, right, over, under, around and through. It is equal parts “wheeeeeee!!!!!” and “ahhhhhhhh” pausing at the top of the hill, sending you in a hurtling free fall, where you level out only to be launched into the sky again….’til death or some other circumstance do you part. So in order to enjoy this ride (including the parts where you have to grin white-knuckled and bear it) the more you are prepared, the better.
Here are the five things I consider most important about marriage:
1. IT EH EASY. Full stop. In the 11 years I have been a Mrs. I have questioned my sanity, wondered if I am humanly capable of enduring this until the end, asked God if He really feel I able and studied whether I should have just remained single. There is a reason why it is said that marriage is a vocation because despite the excitement and joy in the lead up to making it official, marriage thereafter is REALLLLL WUK!!*
2. IT IS BEAUTIFUL. Still, there is something inherently beautiful when you are blessed with somebody special to travel life’s road with you, who will be with you even if everything and everyone (gremlinz included) leave and go. It really is an ‘Us Against the World’ feeling that is very beautiful and comforting.
3. IT IS NOT 50/50. Marriage works when there are two singular people who come together as a unit with each person bringing the strength of who they are into the marriage. Marriage is not 50/50. It is 100 of you and 100 of me: the good, the bad, the beauty and the ugly with no dominance of either. Even better is when the strength of one can support the other in times of weakness (the bad and the ugly).
4. IT REQUIRES SPACE. While the two are yoked, there must still be room for each to exist as a whoooole person. Give each other room to breathe for the son of Mary’s sake! Not because we marri’d means that we have to be sucked into each other’s business all de damn time. If my husband was all up under me 24 hours of the day, even when physically apart, I woulda pull out my hair and run naked for the hills looooong time.
5. IT STRETCHES YOU BEYOND YOUR LIMIT. Marriage is that thing that makes you wonder how far you are willing to go and, in some cases, this will be beyond your limit. It can be a very uncomfortable thing beyond even knowing yourself and what your capabilities are because you know to yourself how badly you want it and what you are willing to do (or NOT do) to keep it alive. It is the very essence of love, making it a verb and not just a feeling.
So that’s my five! Of course, there are many others and maybe you will not agree with what I have listed but remember, these are the things that EYE consider based on experiences that EYE can draw from.
Thanks for taking the time to read! Let me know what you think about the topic from your perspective! I’d love to hear your comments below!
*Trini lingo for A LOT OF WORK!!