So disgusted by this!!!

This past week in Trinidad and Tobago has been really trying for my soul. as a Trinbagonian. I had to endure the police road blocks on Monday which effectively paralyzed the country (we made Yahoo news!), it’s the last week of school and the usual drama applies and now this nonsense in our national Parliament last night.

I don’t usually get worked up about what happens in Trinidad’s Parliament because as far as I see you have to have a certain amount of brain cells to follow what goes on in the Lower House and I don’t have brain cells to waste. It’s a lot of shouting, derailed “arguments”, unnecessary picong and time wasting. Yesterday this senseless motion of no confidence that was brought against the Opposition Leader Dr. Keith Rowley was enough for me to steups but what that woman Vernella Alleyne-Toppin from Tobago said enraged me to the highest when I woke up this morning to the news. How the hell are you going to abuse the cover of parliamentary privilege to accuse another Parliament member of being conceived through rape which resulted in his aggressive, arrogant behavior. Hellooooo? You had that mess written on the paper from which you were reading??? You using the story that he was born due to RAPE to make a political point of no confidence against him??? Rape is a damn crime!!!!!!

Of course I heard the full broadcast on the radio this morning and I was beyond shocked and starting yelling in the car to myself and well the gremz in the back seat who kept asking what was ‘disgusting’ and who was a ‘damn fool’ and if I was alright. I was so damn mad. I started thinking about one of my relatives who was a victim of rape and how BROKEN she was months after being stripped of her dignity in her own home. I started thinking about one of my students who was a victim of incest and rape and how dehumanized she felt and the sea of tears that she shed in front of me. Rape victims have to deal with that act that crushes their soul and then be strong enough to deal with the possibility of disease and pregnancy. Do you know how strong you have to be to raise a child of rape? Do you know how strong you have to be not only to raise a child of rape but to raise him/her with strength and love and to destroy the residual feelings of resentment? Do you have any idea of the level of trauma facing rape victims and to a lesser extent their family members?

Whether this story is true or not, what kind of human do you have to be to decide to include that in your speech to “get one on him” in a parliamentary debate? And better than that, what kinda implication is that to make, that a child of rape is aggressive and uncouth and therefore cannot aspire to attain a lofty position as the Prime Minister of a country? To make it worse you are the Minister in the Ministry of the People and Social Development, a ministry with dubious beginnings but dreamt up to “care for the people”!!!!!

Vernella Alleyne Toppin, do us all a favour and get the hell out of office and take all those others who agreed with your atrocious view by thumping their desks in the house. Your statement was sick and repulsive, was an affront to all rape victims and children of rape victims and brought down whatever scraps of dignity that remained in the Parliament. I wish you well on your return to Tobago, you will have it to deal with across there. They waiting for you…

Sand in my eyeballs


I wish there was a day I could come home with absolutely nothing to do, a hot meal waiting and all my shit already organised for the next day. I want to go even further than that and say that  I wish this could happen for a full work week, I would be eternally grateful and would gladly return to the regularly scheduled programme the  following week.

Today I understand why people hire people to do stuff they could very well do for themselves. My mother is a housewife. She has tons of responsibilities and many side projects. I’ve always seen her balance it like a pro even though there were days when she was beat. I’ve never had a ‘working woman’  example reflected back to me so I developed a routine that has worked for me inclusive of the ‘family care’ part which I learned from her. Balancing the work/home life is basically 90% of my life with the remaining 10% aptly titled  ‘ME’. The thought never occurred to me that a helper would make sense, until today that is. After an exhaustive day I just wanted to faceplant on my bed but alas my gremz need to be fed etc etc etc

I’m so tired it’s like I have sand in my eyeballs but I still have to organise for tomorrow and noooooo I can’t do the extra mile on the weekend, it is loaded as it is. Noooooo I can’t wake up early in the morning either because then I would be using part of my 10% which requires that I be in the gym. 

Sigh, I’m jealous of all of you with helpers, send one my way for the week nah. No? Fiiiiine… back at it then.


A student at my school died last night. I saw her at school walking around and chatting, left work, went to dance, came home and got an email from the principal informing all staff that she had passed. I am still in shock and totally unsettled.

Today was uncomfortable from the jump. There was no lusty singing of the national anthem at assembly this morning, glassy red eyes staring into invisible voids and an eerie silence that descended and quite frankly had me feeling like the school was enveloped into total depression and heaviness.

I accept death and the fact that it is part of life, what I have trouble with is the unexpected nature that it takes, especially when it relates to our young ones who have left and the ones who remain to whom it affects. I found myself drifting in thought to the student’s best friend. At age 15 or 16, how do you process that your best friend who you just left mere hours before on your way home, suddenly died? My heart hurt for her.

My heart also hurt for the child’s mother who is wrapped up in guilt. She was ill and depended on her daughter to help with the little ones, which she did and now that she is better, she can’t return the care and favour that her child showed to her. She can’t be the mother she intended to be to take care of the child who stepped up to the plate when she physically couldn’t. There isn’t enough sympathy in the world to bring the comfort that the mother needs right now. Time has to step in.

Of course when situations like this occur you tend to dwell on your own life, your past, your future, your children…you feel like you need to ‘go to the mattresses’ or like in Sons of Anarchy pull everybody in the MC, bring everybody in, give extra hugs, kisses, say extra prayers for protection because as selfish as it sounds you don’t want to feel that kinda loss although the majority of times it is absolutely unavoidable. That’s the very nature of life, you think the road you’re driving on is the right one and then something happens and you detour (or derail) and you head straight back to the start.

I tell my form class over and over, tomorrow is promised to no-one, so make the best of today. It’s an almost daily mantra that I use to try to get them to understand that life is not to be trifled with which seems to be the very nature of youth today. Today more than ever they understood the message as they came to terms with their peer’s death in their own ways. It is unfair but God alone knows…



Overheard on the radio this afternoon: Remember then: there is only one time that is important- Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. (“Three Questions” – Leo Tolstoy)